Start Becoming Who You Want to Be

Melissa R. Rich, LMFT, Ph.D.

I’m writing about making choices this year because it’s something we all do continuously, and the choices we make say something about who we are.

It’s easy to get stuck in a rut and make the same selections all the time – such as:

Where to eat lunch
What to do with our free time
Who to hang out with
How to spend (or save) our money

Most of the time our choices reflect who we are, what we’re doing and how we’re feeling at that particular time.

For example – you hear about an available position at work that you’d really like to try for. However, because money was tight, you never finished college. So you tell yourself that you’re not qualified and don’t even apply.

The rest of the story is that you’ve always wanted to finish your education and get your degree. While your kids were growing up this was impossible, but your youngest started elementary school a year ago. You could go back to school if you really wanted to. Yes, it would mean a lot of change and some upheaval but your spouse is supporting you. You’ve just been reluctant to rock the boat by putting things in motion.

And there’s a little part of you that’s afraid – what if you can’t make it? So you stay where you are, and your choices continue to reflect the person you are now – not the person you want to be.

But what if you started making choices based on the person you want to become? What if you applied for the job and owned the fact that you haven’t finished your degree? What if you put down all the work experience you’ve had (including 3 years at your present company) and state that you’ll be going back to school in the next few months? It’s risky – you might get the job!

I’ve been thinking a lot about change lately and something I’ve realized is that a large part of transformation occurs because of belief. If we believe something is possible we start making choices based on that belief – and we start making change happen.

No, change isn’t always easy (and maybe it shouldn’t be) but it is possible. And one place to start is by making choices from a different position than we are currently in. Figure out where you want to be and start choosing options from that vantage point. Transformation will occur a lot faster when you do.